Wednesday, February 24, 2010

How to Sneak Candy into the Movie Theatre

I have to take a moment to share. This lit up my week. My husband and I went to see "Avatar" last weekend. Want to guess what I saw before I'd even finished parking? A HUGE sign on the outside of the movie theatre asking the audience to leave their grocery store popcorn and their cheap, sleazy gas station drinks at home.

Are they serious? Have you seen what they're charging for movie tickets these days? I know they have to make a buck and we're robbing them blind by slipping our own candy past their concessions, but give me a break!

There's a reason fewer people are going to the movies these days, and only 90% of that reason is the inability of the entertainment industry to come up with a well written screenplay the public actually wants to see. (Yes, I have proof. Just look at BloodRayne. 1 or 2. Take your pick.) The other 10% is the way they're robbing you blind with a huge mark-up on their concessions!

Sneaking food into movie theatres isn't hard. I've made a fine art of it over the years, first as a flat broke high school student then as a not-so-broke adult that remembers what it was like to be a flat broke high school student. Oh ye doubting Thomases, give these sneaky techniques a try (and follow the links for some even sneakier ones) and you'll never have to pay for theatre concessions again!

Buy a Man Bag

The first thing you need to do is start carrying a bag. You want this to look completely natural, so you're going to need to practice. A lot.

Suck it up men, it's all for the cause.

Change Your Shopping Habits

Sneaking food into a movie theatre isn't something that should be done on a whim. Careful strategy is required if the operation is going to be a success. For example, you need to make the right choice when deciding what food you're going to bring in with you.
Ice cream is always a bad idea, as are Fudgesicles, Creamsicles, ice cream sandwiches, Cookiewiches and any other variation thereof. You laugh, but it's been done! (No, not by me, thank you very much.)

Giant bags of popcorn don't travel well either. You're going to have a trail of crumbs rivaling Hansel and Gretel's bread crumb trail. Everything in your bag is going to smell like popcorn. You'll have strange birds assaulting you in the streets (like the seagulls weren't bad enough). You don't want to go there.

Small packages of Skittles, candy bars, Werther's Originals and (my personal favorites) gummy bears are ideal covert fodder. Why?

1) They're virtually untraceable. The theatre sells the same packages, so how are they going to know?
2) They're easily disguised. They slip into a purse, pocket, backpack or bra cup without leaving evidence behind.
3) They're easy to lie about. OF COURSE you always carry candy in your purse. You never know when your blood pressure is going to take a dip. Theatre staff aren't going to touch that one with a ten foot pole.

Soda can be a little trickier, since you have no good reason to be walking around with a bottle of Mt. Dew in your purse. Take my advice and sneak in water instead, especially if there's a good chance they're going to bust you. Water is healthier. It's cheaper. Thousands of people carry bottles of water in their purse/diaper bag/backpack every day. It's a win-win situation.

Purses and diaper bags are never, ever searched in movie theatres. I'm sure it's a privacy thing. I'm equally sure they don't want to risk running into a not-so-fresh Pamper.

Parents, don't be afraid to hide behind your kids! Nobody looks twice at a diaper bag filled with juice and crackers or a child's backpack stuffed with cookies. Children are notoriously picky eaters. No one's going to ask questions if they eat a grande sized bucket of popcorn but drag around a bag of Flipz because they refuse to touch the theatre's "homemade" pretzels.

Just don't let the little darlings talk. The turncoats will rat you out the first chance they get.

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